Humor: Put Seniors in Jail and Criminals in Nursing Homes

Maybe it's not so funny...

Senior in Jail
••• Are you likely to get better care in jail than in a nursing home?. Spencer Grant/Getty Images

Let's make one thing clear right from the start: This a joke. It's not intended to be taken seriously. If you're looking for nursing home humor and you have a sense of humor, read on. Otherwise, click to another page—don't stay here and get offended!

That said, here goes...

Put Seniors in Jail and Criminals in Nursing Homes

"Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, and wheel chairs. They'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance. Their bedding would be washed twice a week and all their clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cells. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, a weight room, spiritual counseling, a pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, pajamas and legal aid would be free on request. Private, secure rooms would be had by all, along with an outdoor exercise yard with gardens. Each senior could have a PC, a TV, radio, and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food and be left all alone and unsupervised with lights off at 8 p.m. They would get showers once a week, live in a tiny room, and pay assisted living costs of nearly $5,000 per month. They would have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all."

-Contributed by Linda Thompson, President, Life Path Solutions, Inc.

Finding Quality Care

Of course, many excellent nursing homes provide outstanding care for seniors, but some don't. Just as with anything else in life, if you or a loved one need a living place that provides you with care, you'll want to do your due diligence to make sure you find a location that provides quality elder care. 

If you have long-term care insurance, the insurance company will likely provide a service which can help you locate a quality care facility. If you don't have insurance but need help with basic activities of daily living, perhaps you can hire help on your own. If your income and assets are low, take steps to see if you qualify for Medicaid assistance.

Another option is to locate a continuing care community if you have equity in a home or other assets, which can be an alternative to long-term care insurance. You purchase living space in a community that guarantees to provide you with care should you need it at some point in the future.

And, if all else fails, you could always find a way to get yourself thrown in jail.