20 Ways to Know You're A Day Trader (humor)

You're probably a day trader if...

If you're a day trader there are some things your friends and family just don't understand...and likely never will no matter how many times you try to explain. Here are 20 things day traders can relate to, in no particular order. 

You now just say "I work from home"

a day in the life of a day trader
Jamie Grill, Getty Images

Saying you're "a day trader" typically resulted in long conversations explaining that you're not a stock broker, not a financial advisor, don't have clients and you're not a gambler. Saying you "work from home" is easier.

Arguments are analyzed (internally) in Elliott Waves

labelled Elliott waves chart

It starts out slow, builds in the middle, and then caps of with a peaceful goodnight...or a massive filth wave extension. 

Your significant other prods you to get "a real job"

No matter how much money you make, or how hard you work, some people will just never get that day trading is a viable long-term career.

Note: the more you apply Elliott Waves to arguments, the more prodding you will receive. 

You put a mental stop loss on dinner engagements

Don't want to go somewhere, but have to? Put a stop loss on it.  It's an excellent reason to leave, after all, can't violate the trading plan.

Relationships and potential relationships are bullish or bearish

relationship uptrends and downtrends
Chip Simons/Getty Images

Life is viewed in uptrends and downtrends. Could be another reason for the point three.

You hear "Target filled" and "Stop filled" in your dreams...and nightmares

pending order while trading

See the video created by NinjaTrader: You Might Be a Day Trader If...

CNBC provides your world news

financial news
Danil Melekhin/Getty Images

No need for other news, financial news is enough.  

You buy big items at Fibonacci retracement levels

housing prices falling
Henrik Jonsson/Getty Images

 "Honey, I'm not buying that house till it pulls back 23.6%."

You're the only person you know who loves Mondays

day trading on monday morning
PeopleImages.com/Getty Images

Weekends mean no trading. What a bummer. Monday=trading=awesome.

If given an ultimatum between day trading and...

don't even ask. I choose day trading.

You eat lunch on New York time, no matter where you live

clock at noon
Tetra Images/Getty Images

Trading between about 11:30 and 1 PM EST is usually pretty boring and unprofitable, so if you live on the west coast, 8:30 AM is lunch time.

If you've ever said "I need a stake"...

cash stake
Jeffrey Coolidge/Getty Images

you've read Reminiscences of a Stock Operator too many times...and you're a day trader.

You convert costs to pips and ticks

$40 for lunch? That's a four pip spread with a standard lot. These terms need to be re-negotiated.

My internet bill is six ES ticks a month..with no hope of a Fibonacci retracement.

You're more tech savvy than your kids

day trading computer setup

A day trader today has a more powerful computer than some government agencies.

It only takes a couple software crashes during the trading day and before you know it you're an expert on fixing anything computer related. "Don't mess with my trades, technology!"

You contemplate your existence in a Star Trek economy

If financial markets vanish, then what? "Beam me up Scotty!"

You're constantly asked "What looks good?"

Well at 9:36:23 AM I bought CL futures because they were basing out on a pullback from the pre-market uptrend, and I sold them at 9:38:13 AM because the 366 tick chart trend was exhausted...does that help you out?

Someone tells you they're a specialist, so you start talking stocks

NYSE floor traders
Thomas J. O'Halloran- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:NY_stock_exchange_traders_floor_LC-U9-10548-6.jpg#/media/File:NY_stock_exchange_traders_floor_LC-U9-10548-6.jpg

You're upset to find out this person is an impostor, like a brain or heart specialist. To a day trader there is only one Specialist...even if they no longer exist.  

You're constantly asked "How do I make some extra money day trading?"

Jesse Livermore had it right:

It is difficult to exercise patience with such people. In the first place, the inquiry is not a compliment to the man who has made a scientific study of investment and speculation. It would be as fair for the layman to ask an attorney or a surgeon:

"How can I make some quick money in law or surgery?"

People tell you they have a day trading story...

but it starts out with "My financial advisor..." No, you're telling it wrong.

If this happens, it's time to refer back to point 1: just tell people you work at home.  

Finally, you're a day trader if...

traders are best friends
Darren Robb/Getty Images

you're skeptical of anyone else you meet who says they are a day trader (see points above)...but you become best friends if its true.

Only a day trader can understand a day trader.